Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
