So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
