i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
