Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
