the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
