finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
