one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
