i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
