I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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