There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
