my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
