the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
A+ Viking dick
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
