Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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