no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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