Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
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