Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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