he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
