I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
