i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
