I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
