just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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