So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
