3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
