The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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