Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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