hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
