If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
