When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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