she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
