he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize