the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
