sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
