I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
