he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
3 2 1 whiskey
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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