I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
