I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
