make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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