Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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