Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I look better un-naked...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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