I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
