FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
