naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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