this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
