So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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