when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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