Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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