i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
