Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
