Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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