the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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