Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
