im six kinds of drunk right now
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
