Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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