i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
