i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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