i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
