would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
