you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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