none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
