if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
