He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
