Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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