The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
