Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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