I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
