Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
