She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
