Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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