I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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