the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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