i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
