singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize