after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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