Please don't use social media to get back at me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
