Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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