I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
