When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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